Upstart Magazine

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YOUR Jokes, Pranks and Riddles


Q: Why did the boy go fishing on the moon.

A: To catch some starfish

Lily Taylor (12), Waipawa


Q: What do you call a dinosaur that likes to read?

A: A Thesaurus!

Zion Kauie (11), Te Atatu Peninsula


Q: Why did the carrot blush?

A: Because he saw the salad dressing

Lukas Rutland (10), Waipawa


Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire…

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

Noah Betteridge (10), Christchurch




Q: Why is Superman’s outfit always so tight on him?

A: It’s a size S

Jessica Holmes (9), Hamilton


Q: What's red and sits in a corner?

A: A naughty school bus.

Aria Weber (13), Fernside



Q: How do you know when Santa’s around?

A: You can always sense his presents.

Claire Smith (12), Invercargill


Q: How do trees get online?

A: They just log in!

Ben Murphy (11), Ngaruawahia

Q: What’s every elf’s favourite type of music?

A: Wrap!

Joshua Wakenshaw (13), Nelson


Q: What’s big and yellow and blue?

A: A bulldozer with jeans on

Pixie Blake (7), Hamilton



Q: What do you call a 3 legged cow?

A: Lean meat.

Rio White (4), Gisborne


Q. Why did it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?

A. Because they got stuck at C!

Ayla Crowley (12) Te Awamutu


Other great reader contributed jokes, riddles and pranks…



Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Who.

Who who?

What are you, an owl?

Lucy Hayes, Dunedin


Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side.

Alexander Rodriguez (8), Wellington


What can you put in a bucket to make it weigh less?

A hole.

Kita Hira (10), Auckland




How do you get Pikachu on the bus?

You Pok-e-mon.

Ryan Edwards (8), Ellerslie


Where do cows go on Friday nights?

They go to the moo-vies!

Cameron Holmes (5), Hamilton


Why did the long fish go to the doctor?

Because it wasn't eeling well!

Zoe Facer (8), Springlands



What do you call a fat squash?

A pumpkin.

Cameron Dixon (11), Wellington

Riddle: Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were Triplets. What was the mother's name.

Answer: "What" because there’s no question mark.

Mia Reardon (9), Queenstown



What is a cheese that doesn’t belong to you called?

Nacho cheese!

Lyra King (7), Nelson



What kind of dog does a magician have?

A Labracadabrador!

Samara Beck (12), Invercargill


What do you get when you cross a jet with a hamburger?

Very Fast Food!

Kaydin Turnbull (11), Hamilton


What do you get if you cross a cat with a lemon?

A Sour Puss!!

Luke Jones (13), Tauranga


Why can’t you iron a four-leaf clover?

Because you shouldn’t press your luck.

Ella Ambrosio (7), Auckland



What do you call a deer with no eyes.

No idea (no eye deer)

Harry Roberts (9), Christchurch




Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!

Tommy J (5), Auckland


What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A ba-boom!

Oliver Dooge-Lee (12), Nelson

Why did the two 4s skip dinner?
Because they already 8.

Grace Kane (12), Taupiri


Why did the man with one arm cross the road?
To go to the second-hand shop!

BB Coomer (9), Christchurch



Riddle: I’m a bird, a person, and a fruit. What am I?Answer: A Kiwi.

Lyra King (8), Nelson


How do you make a milkshake?
You sneak up behind a glass of milk and say BOO!!

Izzabella Montford (12), Levin



Why couldn't the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse!

Amanda Pickles (11), Homeschool, Taupo


What do you get when you Cross a Crocodile and a Camera?
A Snapshot

Dawood Parkar (11), Mt Roskill Intermediate

What did the farmer say when his toe got run over?
Call the toe truck!

Jorja Isbister (8), Oamaru


Two Zebras were debating whether they should cross the road.
“Let’s cross the road,” says Zebra 1.
Zebra 2 points at the pedestrian crossing and says “Look what happened to the last zebra who crossed the road!”

Jason (12), Waipa Christian School, Te Awamutu


RIDDLE: What goes up and down but doesn't move?ANSWER: Stairs!

Lexi Wanden (10), Homeschool, Tirau


RIDDLE: What has four wheels and flies?
ANSWER: A garbage truck!

Cash King (11), Waimea intermediate, Nelson



What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.

Cody (13), Tawa College, Wellington


What type of haircut does a bee have?
A buzzcut!

Max (11), Richmond Primary School, Tasman

What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
You look a bit flushed!

Violet (7), Pukete School, Hamilton


What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.

Braithan (10), Waiuku Primary School, Auckland


Ebaadullah Khan, Western Heights School


What did the pen say to the pencil?
You’re looking sharp!

Tom (5), Matawai School, Gisborne


What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck

Aston (11), Wakaaranga School, Auckland